How To Win Over Your Wife


How to Win Over Your Wife sprouts not out of my great effectiveness but out of my great need. I readily admit that I could use daily help with this one. Most men struggle with having their wives adore them and be live out the “Stepford Wife” interaction. Not to say that men want women who are obsequious, but we certainly do not want one who is overly assertive or brazen. I digress.

This post came out of nowhere. I had been reading for over an hour in two other passages. I had been intrigued by a statement my pastor, Robert Benson, had made about Christ being God’s right-hand man. I began reading Matthew 20 where the mother of James and John, Zebedee’s wife went  to Jesus to ask Him for a blessing for her boys. She said, “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.” The word used in conjunction with right hand is dexios (de-ksē-o’s) which connotes a place of honor or authority. occurs 53 times in the NT (right hand (39x), right (12x), right side (2x).) Here are a few instances from the OT mighty hand or right hand.

We all, even our mothers, want to be in the best position possible in life. As a man, I want my wife to be in the best place with God, but I also want her to be in the best place with me. I want to get along well with her. I want her not to have hurt feelings or feelings of resentment. People get hurt when their needs are not met. People feel resentment when they feel they have been wronged. James 4 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” That is simply our pride/selfishness surfacing.

How to Win Over Your Wife is answered by Jesus in Matthew 20 as He answered James and John’s mother and the disciples. “25 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.””

The word for servant in verse 26 is diakonos (dē-ä’-ko-nos). In NT scriptures, the context of its use is shown in the following:

  1. one who executes the commands of another, esp. of a master, a servant, attendant, minister

    1. the servant of a king

    2. a deacon, one who, by virtue of the office assigned to him by the church, cares for the poor and has charge of and distributes the money collected for their use

    3. a waiter, one who serves food and drink

The word used for slave in verse 27 is doulos (dü’-los). In NT scriptures, the context of its use is shown in the following:

  1. a slave, bondman, man of servile condition

    1. a slave

    2. metaph., one who gives himself up to another’s will those whose service is used by Christ in extending and advancing his cause among men

    3. devoted to another to the disregard of one’s own interests

  2. a servant, attendant

In essence, Christ told the disciples that they must be servant slaves in order to be great among the disciples and the people of the day. In order to win over my wife, I need to serve. In fact, serving will win over any other person I seek to have a significant relationship. I must be committed to the interest of others at my own sacrifice. First God, then others out of honor for God. I must be committed to promote the welfare and prosperity of the body of God that is the church. I must maintain a permanent servile with others our of my relationship to Christ. The Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 2, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Paul told them that they should have the same mind of Christ who though He was God “he made himself nothingby taking the very nature of a servant,being made in human likeness.And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself     by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” After all, Jesus Himself said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

Last year this time, I was about to write Count It All Joy. God was speaking to me about His right hand out of my divine directed quest for joy. Psalm 16:11 says, “You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” This is really not about How to Win Over Your Wife. I see now that God is trying to grow me by using my desire to please my wife. God wants me to be a servant slave because that is what Jesus was, and as a Christian, I must embody and exemplify who and what Christ is.

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